Why do people self-harm

Self-harm, also known as non-suicidal self-injury, is a behaviour that involves intentionally causing physical harm to oneself. It is not a suicide attempt but rather a way of coping with intense emotional distress. While the exact reasons for self-harm are complex and vary from person to person, several common factors contribute to this behaviour.

What is self-harm?

Self-harm is when someone purposely hurts themselves as a way to deal with difficult thoughts and feelings. This can involve things like cutting, burning, or taking too much of a substance. Any action that causes harm to oneself, no matter how big or small, can be considered self-harm. 

Usually, self-harm starts because someone wants to relieve the pressure from difficult thoughts and feelings. Doing these things might make them feel a bit better for a short time, like a quick fix. But it's important to know that this feeling doesn't last because the underlying problems remain. Afterwards, the person might feel guilty or ashamed, which keeps the cycle going.

Dispelling the Misconceptions behind the reasons for self-harm

Various myths surround the topic of self-harm, which is not uncommon considering that misunderstandings tend to emerge when dealing with poorly understood issues. Negative stereotypes, in particular, can be influential and hinder open discussions about problems, preventing people from seeking help. These misconceptions also lead to misunderstandings among professionals, family, and friends of those who self-harm.

MYTH: 'Self-harm is attention-seeking'

A prevalent stereotype is that self-harm is merely a way to seek attention. However, this is not accurate. Many individuals who self-harm keep their struggles to themselves for an extended period, finding it challenging to gather the courage to ask for help.

MYTH: 'Only girls self-harm'

It's often assumed that girls are more prone to self-harm than boys, but this is incorrect. Both genders may engage in different self-harming behaviours or have distinct reasons for hurting themselves, making it equally serious regardless of gender.

MYTH: 'People who self-harm must enjoy it'

There's a belief that individuals who self-harm take pleasure in the pain or risk associated with the behaviour. However, there's no evidence supporting this idea. The act of self-harm often causes significant pain, and some individuals engage in it to feel something, especially if depression has left them emotionally numb.

MYTH: 'People who self-harm are suicidal'

Self-harm is sometimes mistaken for a suicide attempt by those who lack understanding. For many individuals, self-harm is a way of coping with challenging emotions and situations, a means of staying alive rather than ending life. Nevertheless, it's crucial to take self-harm seriously, as some individuals who engage in it may also experience suicidal thoughts and attempts.

Reasons for self-harm

Anyone can be affected by self-harm; some are more vulnerable to self-harm than others because of their life experiences. It's crucial to note that although these are risk factors that may increase the likelihood of self-harm, having any of these does not guarantee that someone will self-harm. Similarly, an individual who self-harms may not necessarily have experienced any of these factors. The reality is that anyone, regardless of their circumstances, can be affected. Some of the reasons for self-harm include: 

• difficulties at home 
• arguments or problems with friends 
• school pressures 
• bullying 
• transitions and changes
• alcohol and drug use. 
• financial worries
• low self-esteem
• struggling with stress, anxiety or depression
• grief after bereavement or loss
• physical or sexual abuse

Other reasons for self-harm

Emotional Regulation: 

One of the primary reasons for self-harm is the difficulty in regulating emotions effectively. Individuals who self-harm often struggle to manage overwhelming emotions such as sadness, anger, guilt, or anxiety. When these emotions become unbearable, self-harm is assumed as a way to release them and experience a sense of relief.

Emotional Expression: 

Self-harm is, sometimes, a way to express inner turmoil and pain that may be difficult to articulate through words. The physical act of self-harm can be a desperate attempt to convey the depth of one's emotional suffering, especially when feeling isolated or unheard.

A Sense of Control:

In the face of overwhelming emotional distress and a feeling of powerlessness, self-harm provides a distorted sense of control. Physical pain is perceived as a way to regain control over one's body and emotions, even if it is temporary and unhealthy.

Punishment and Self-Loathing: 

Self-harm can also be a manifestation of deep-seated feelings of guilt, shame, or self-loathing. Individuals who engage in self-harm may punish themselves for perceived mistakes or flaws, believing that they deserve the pain. This cycle of self-harm can become increasingly entrenched, leading to a pattern of self-destruction.

Mental Health Conditions: 

Self-harm is often associated with underlying mental health conditions such as depression, anxiety, borderline personality disorder, and post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). These conditions can intensify emotional distress, making individuals more susceptible to self-harming behaviours.

Strategies to help you ride the wave of emotions

Talk

Talking to someone is often the first step to get help. It isn’t an easy thing to talk about the reasons for self-harm. But it is a crucial step towards recovery and healing. It can be a huge relief, and asking for help isn't a sign of weakness, but it shows courage that you are taking charge of your well-being.

Seek Support

It would help if you talked to a mental health professional immediately. You don’t have to feel that you must deal with this alone. Talking to a mental health professional can help you discover your reasons for self-harm and help you find new ways to cope with difficulties. Therapy enables you to explore your thoughts and feelings in a safe space. 

Distraction techniques 

Use some distraction techniques to ‘ride the wave’ of emotion and overcome the urge to harm yourself. 

• Write down thoughts and feelings that bother you, then tear and throw them out. 
• Go for a run or stretch your muscles 
• Hit a pillow or cushion 
• Scream into a pillow or cushion. 
• Take a minute and breathe or meditate. 
• Go for a walk. 
• Call a friend or family member and talk to them. 
• Listen to music you like or watch a film you enjoy. 
• Create a safe box and fill it with things that make you happy and calm to help you get through this feeling. 

If you or someone you know is struggling, it's crucial to reach out to a mental health professional. They can offer the support and guidance needed to navigate complex emotions and help you understand your reasons for self-harm. Remember, help is available; you don't have to face these challenges alone.