7 Steps to Start Healing from a Betrayal

Angela O'Connor

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10 Apr 2023

Betrayal is a type of trauma which can be especially damaging. It can cause intense feelings of hurt, betrayal and anger. When you are betrayed by someone you trust, it can feel like your world has been turned upside down. You may feel like you can't trust anyone anymore. According to a study, betrayal can lead to shock, grief, morbid preoccupation, lower self-esteem, self-doubt and anger. On numerous occasions, these changes have the power to transform lives, often negatively.

What is Betrayal Trauma?

Betrayal trauma is a type of psychological trauma caused by the betrayal of someone or something you trust. Betrayal can be an intentional or unintentional act that damages your relationship with another person. This can include infidelity, abuse, abandonment or any other kind of hurtful behavior. There are 4 types of betrayal trauma:

Familial Betrayal: This type of betrayal occurs when a family member betrays you in some way, such as by withholding affection, neglecting their duties as a parent or abusing you.
Institutional Betrayal: An organization or institution you depend on (such as a school, employer or government) betrays your trust and lets you down in some way.
Cultural Betrayal: This type of betrayal occurs when a society or culture you trust betrays you by suppressing or marginalizing people like you.
Partner or Romantic Betrayal: When a romantic partner betrays you, such as by cheating or lying.

The trauma caused by betrayal can lead to feelings of isolation, mistrust and hurt that can last for years.

8 Ways to Heal From Betrayal Trauma

Betrayal is a wound that runs deep. Victims of betrayal often struggle to move on because they may not know where to begin. To help with the healing process, here are eight steps you can start taking today to start down your road to recovery.

1. Acknowledge the Pain

Allow yourself to feel the pain of the betrayal without judgment. This is an essential step for you to be able to heal and move forward. Don’t try to push away your emotions or dismiss them as insignificant; they are valid and they matter. Acknowledge how a person's behavior has impacted you and permit yourself to grieve.

2. Talk About It

It is important for victims of betrayal trauma to open up about their experience with someone they trust, whether it is a family member, friend, therapist or counselor. Talking about your feelings can help process them in a healthy way and provide much-needed support during this difficult time.

3. Make Time for Self-Care

Taking care of your body is essential in any healing journey, especially when dealing with trauma from betrayal. Incorporate self-care activities into your daily routine such as exercising, reading a book or going for walks outside in nature. Taking care of yourself will also help reduce any feelings of guilt or shame associated with the betrayal itself.

4. Reconnect With Your Values

Reconnecting with your values can help reframe the situation and remind you of what truly matters most in life, regardless of what happened in the past. Writing down your core values can reaffirm why the betrayal was wrong and how it doesn’t reflect who you are as an individual or fit within your value system anymore.

5. Practice Mindfulness

Learning to be mindful of your thoughts and feelings can help you gain control over how they influence your behavior and give you insights into your emotional state. This in turn will give you greater control over how you respond when triggered by memories related to the event itself such as flashbacks or nightmares.

6. Forgive (But Not Necessarily Forget)

Forgiveness is a necessary step in healing, even if the person doesn’t deserve it. It is important to remember forgiveness does not mean condoning the behavior. You are also not letting them off the hook or excusing their actions in any way, but rather it is a process of releasing yourself from the emotional burden of betrayal.

7. Rebuild Your Trust in Others

Rebuilding trust can be a long and difficult process, but it is an essential step in moving forward. Start by looking for and acknowledging small moments of trust. This can help strengthen your faith in the goodness of others and ultimately assist you in rebuilding trust.

8. Seek Professional Help When Necessary

Last but not least, professional help is available when necessary – don’t be afraid or ashamed about reaching out if needed. Healing after experiencing something like betrayal trauma isn't easy - but it's possible with perseverance, resilience and courage.

Betrayal trauma can be incredibly difficult to overcome, but with these eight steps, you can begin the process of healing. Remember recovery is a journey and progress won't happen overnight, so be patient with yourself and give yourself the time and space to heal. Don't forget no matter how hopeless things seem right now - there's always hope for brighter days ahead.