It’s Ok to be Selfish: 6 Ways to Put Yourself First Without Guilt

Khushboo Motihar

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09 Feb 2023

Self-compassion

We have all heard the phrase “put yourself first,” but when it comes to being selfish and prioritizing our own needs, guilt can often get in the way. It’s easy to think you should be spending your time and energy on others instead of yourself but oftentimes, focusing on yourself is exactly what you need.

Why is Selfishness Important?

Selfishness is a necessary part of life. It’s not about being selfish to the point of excluding everyone else from your life, but it is about taking care of yourself and your own needs first so you can be at your best for everyone else in your life. Being selfish can help you become more productive, feel better about yourself and even foster healthier relationships.

What is Healthy Selfishness?

Dr Scott Barry Kaufman has created a ‘healthy selfishness scale’ which can help you identify healthy ways to be selfish. It encourages self-care and puts an emphasis on mental health, recognizing you need to take time for yourself and prioritize your own needs. His investigations discovered beneficial self-interest is intimately connected to a feeling of self-confidence (the understanding you are achieving your objectives), and not egoistic or hubristic pride (the type of pride triggered by sensations of haughtiness and vanity.)

6 Ways to Put Yourself First

Understanding it’s ok to be selfish and taking steps to put yourself first is essential for your mental, physical and emotional health. Here are six ways to practice healthy selfishness:

1. Prioritize Yourself

This doesn't have to be complicated, it could mean carving out 15 minutes after dinner for some alone time or blocking off an hour every Sunday afternoon for a relaxing activity like reading or yoga. The important part is making sure you stick to it and show up for yourself. You must also regularly do something which brings you joy whether it's going for a walk in nature or indulging in your favorite TV show or podcast episode. The goal here is simply to do something which makes you feel good, without any strings attached.

2. Focus on Your Goals

Take a few moments to reflect on what your goals are and how you can achieve them. Do you want to get healthier? Take more time for yourself. Start a side hustle or take an online class? Whatever it is, focus on the steps you need to take in order to make it happen. Make sure whatever you choose is in line with your values and priorities, so you can tackle it with ease and confidence.

3. Set Boundaries

Boundaries are essential for self-care and helping you stay on track. Setting boundaries means saying no to things which don’t align with your goals or values—whether it’s saying no to extra hours at work or turning down a date with someone you are not interested in. It also means being honest about your needs and expectations from those around you, so you can trust they won’t take advantage of your time or kindness. Learning how (and when) to say no is an important skill when it comes to being selfish for yourself. It helps you recognize your boundaries and prioritize your well-being over others' expectations.

4. Don't Compare Yourself To Others

Comparison is the thief of joy—so don't do it. Everyone has their own unique path and journey, so focus on doing what works best for you and don't worry about what everyone else is doing.

5. Make Time For Self-Reflection

Taking time each day (or even week) to reflect on things like gratitude, successes, goals and mistakes can help you stay grounded in who you are and where you want to go in life. It also gives you an opportunity to reconnect with your inner self and take stock of your emotions before they become too overwhelming.

6 Spend Time With People Who Lift You Up

Surrounding yourself with people who make you feel supported can make all the difference when it comes to putting yourself first without guilt, especially when times get tough. At the same time, it is equally important to cut off toxic relationships that make you feel drained or bring down your self-esteem.

Taking care of yourself isn’t always easy but it is necessary if you want to lead happy and fulfilling lives filled with meaningful relationships with yourself and others. By taking the time to step away from distractions, establish boundaries and practice healthy selfishness, you can start to enjoy life more and create a better balance between giving and taking care of yourself. Remember being ‘selfish’ is an ongoing process and it’s okay to start small. Just like a seed, you need to nurture your inner self in order to grow. So take the time and focus on looking after your mental and physical health in order to live a more meaningful life.