How to Resolve Relationship Conflicts
Conflict is a natural and inevitable part of relationships. When not managed effectively, it can lead to resentment, frustration and even breakups. Research reveals that long-lasting relationships are not devoid of conflict, but consist of partners who have learned to handle conflict well. If you're struggling to resolve conflicts in your relationship, read on for tips on how to handle these situations more constructively.
What Does Conflict Mean in the Context of a Relationship?
Conflict in a relationship can be defined as any disagreement or difference of opinion. It's important to remember that conflict is not necessarily a bad thing. In fact, a study reveals that most couples argue seven times a day on average. Another research shares that couples are 10 times more likely to have a happy relationship if they argue effectively as compared to those who sweep difficult issues under the carpet.
A relationship often experiences a healthy level of conflict. There are a few key indicators -
- Both partners feel heard and respected during disagreements
- Conflict is resolved in a fair and equitable way
- Partners are able to express their needs and wants without feeling judged or rejected
- After a disagreement, both partners feel closer to each other
What Are Some Common Causes of Conflicts in a Relationship?
Some common causes of conflict in a relationship include -
- Different Lifestyles or Backgrounds: When partners come from different backgrounds or have different lifestyles, it can be difficult to find common ground. This can lead to disagreements about important things like finances, child-rearing, religion and more.
- Misunderstandings: If partners are not able to effectively communicate with each other, it can lead to misunderstandings and hurt feelings.
- Financial Problems: If partners are not on the same page about finances, it can lead to arguments and tension.
- Jealousy: It can lead to arguments, insecurity, and mistrust.
- Unresolved Issues From the Past: Unresolved issues from the past can often resurface in a relationship and cause conflict. If these issues are not dealt with in a healthy way, they can lead to resentment and bitterness.
5 Effective Tips to Resolve Conflicts
Resolving conflicts takes effort from both partners. Here are five tips for resolving conflicts in a relationship -
1. Don't Make Personal Attacks
It's important to avoid making personal attacks during a conflict. This will only make the other person defensive and less likely to listen to your perspective.
2. Avoid Always and Never
Esther Perel, a Belgian psychotherapist and a world-renowned relationship expert, recommends avoiding the words "always" and "never." For example, instead of saying "You never listen to me," try "I feel unheard when you do that." This small change can make a big difference in how your partner perceives the situation and makes them more likely to be open to hearing you.
3. Listen and be Open to Discussions
One of the most important things you can do when conflict arises is to talk about it openly and honestly with your partner. This means being willing to listen to their point of view, as well as sharing your own. Try to truly listen to what the other person is saying without interruption.
4. Work Towards Forgiveness
One of the most important things in any relationship is forgiveness. If you are able to forgive your partner after a conflict, it will help to rebuild trust and strengthen your bond.
5. Be Respectful
It's important to remember that even though you may not agree with your partner, you still need to be respectful of their opinion. This means no name-calling or put-downs.6. Remember What You Love About Your Partner
In the midst of a conflict, it's easy to forget why you're with your partner in the first place. Try to take a step back and remember all the things you love about them. This can help you to see things from their perspective and work towards resolving the conflict.
As Esther Perrell succinctly shares in one of hervideos, "No relationship is free of conflict. Fight smarter and avoid common argument patterns." Conflict is inevitable in any relationship, but it does not have to be a negative thing. If you're able to effectively communicate with your partner and work through conflicts, it can actually help to strengthen your relationship.
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